30 March 2011

If I've been this, If I've been that

We have to accept that we cannot do everything that we want to do in this lifetime.

I have many things I wish I have done when I was younger. Opportunities are rare then compared to today. I dreamed of being the main character of a school stage play, of being a soloist in a band, of being a great varsity player, and even of being a songwriter.

But, guess what, every thing that I wished for never happened. I've been part of musical plays, but I'm always in the background or the pit choir. I've been singing until now, but I've never been a soloist...I'm a chorist. I've been a varsity player in my high school days, but I wasn't able to play nowadays. I have some ligament problem with my knees. No, I've never written a song all my life.

I'm beginning to ask God why He doesn't give me my heart's desires. Until now, I'm so frustrated because I never had what I desire.

These things striked me the most just recently. After all that I've invested for in my skill, talent, and ministry, this is what I get. Lots of frustrations. I've never been frustrated in my whole life. Why? Why does it have to happen when I was much older?

Amidst all these questions, God answered me. The root of all my frustrations is my OWN PRIDE. My desires have been so selfish. I've never even spent a minute praying about my churchmates, my church leaders, my colleagues, and my unsaved friends. All those years, I've been striving to prove to myself and to others that I can do it by myself. God plans otherwise.

If I've never been a part of the church choir, I'll never learn the value of fellowshipping, uplifting one another, and working with one another for the glory of the Lord. If I've been a soloist, I wouldn't have dared to play the piano for Sunday services. I'd rather be sleeping in the house than practicing with the band. If I've been a very excellent badminton player, will I even think of pursuing Music Education as my college course? I can't imagine going through my college days without the company of my music friends and colleagues and the activities that we do together. If I've been a songwriter, would I experience the after-joys of being stressed in practicums and writing lesson plans?

All those years, He is teaching me to be HUMBLE. Instead of being jealous to those who have been doing what I think I should be doing, why not rejoice in their accomplishments? As Philippians 2:3-11 (ESV) says "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ..." Also, I cannot be proud because I also have fallen short of God's glory. It's only by the redemptive work of Jesus Christ that I was able to do what I'm doing today.

Come to think of it, I would never experience the wonderful grace of God if I never failed, therefore being humble enough to submit to His will (James 4:6). If I boast, I will boast of my weaknesses in which the Lord shows His wonderful glory (2Corinthinans 11:30).

From now on, I will always hold on to the promise of His Word, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you." (1Peter 5:6) Today, I never regret anything that happened.

I've been so proud after all.

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