I have many things I wish I have done when I was younger. Opportunities are rare then compared to today. I dreamed of being the main character of a school stage play, of being a soloist in a band, of being a great varsity player, and even of being a songwriter.
But, guess what, every thing that I wished for never happened. I've been part of musical plays, but I'm always in the background or the pit choir. I've been singing until now, but I've never been a soloist...I'm a chorist. I've been a varsity player in my high school days, but I wasn't able to play nowadays. I have some ligament problem with my knees. No, I've never written a song all my life.
I'm beginning to ask God why He doesn't give me my heart's desires. Until now, I'm so frustrated because I never had what I desire.
These things striked me the most just recently. After all that I've invested for in my skill, talent, and ministry, this is what I get. Lots of frustrations. I've never been frustrated in my whole life. Why? Why does it have to happen when I was much older?
Amidst all these questions, God answered me. The root of all my frustrations is my OWN PRIDE. My desires have been so selfish. I've never even spent a minute praying about my churchmates, my church leaders, my colleagues, and my unsaved friends. All those years, I've been striving to prove to myself and to others that I can do it by myself. God plans otherwise.
If I've never been a part of the church choir, I'll never learn the value of fellowshipping, uplifting one another, and working with one another for the glory of the Lord. If I've been a soloist, I wouldn't have dared to play the piano for Sunday services. I'd rather be sleeping in the house than practicing with the band. If I've been a very excellent badminton player, will I even think of pursuing Music Education as my college course? I can't imagine going through my college days without the company of my music friends and colleagues and the activities that we do together. If I've been a songwriter, would I experience the after-joys of being stressed in practicums and writing lesson plans?
All those years, He is teaching me to be HUMBLE. Instead of being jealous to those who have been doing what I think I should be doing, why not rejoice in their accomplishments? As Philippians 2:3-11 (ESV) says "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ..." Also, I cannot be proud because I also have fallen short of God's glory. It's only by the redemptive work of Jesus Christ that I was able to do what I'm doing today.
Come to think of it, I would never experience the wonderful grace of God if I never failed, therefore being humble enough to submit to His will (James 4:6). If I boast, I will boast of my weaknesses in which the Lord shows His wonderful glory (2Corinthinans 11:30).
From now on, I will always hold on to the promise of His Word, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you." (1Peter 5:6) Today, I never regret anything that happened.
____________________
31mar2011
I've been so proud after all.
-ara.janelle
Ara Janelle is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.
Ara Janelle tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Ara Janelle writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Ara Janelle will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.
Ara Janelle is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.
Ara Janelle will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!
In reference to Ara Janelle's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Ara Janelle slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.
Ara Janelle is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Ara Janelle basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
Ara Janelle has difficulty trusting anyone. In fact, she trusts no one completely. This is a result of her trust being betrayed in the past. She has closed up, thus ceasing to allow close friendships. Ara Janelle truly wants close friends and desires physical relationships, but she fears she will get hurt, again. She is lonely, yet has a crying need for close friends. This trait can cause much unhappiness. However, it can be changed.
Ara Janelle is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.
Ara Janelle has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.